Meet my new friends…Guilt & Shame

Hi there cutie,

So as you know, I am currently in course-creation-mode. It’s been pretty wild; the project is bonkers! However, at times I find myself wanting to detach from what the project is focused on: guilt and shame. When I don’t feel like honestly taking a look into myself, it can be easy to sit back, relax, smoke my pipe, twirl my imaginary mustache and diagnose everyone around me. When I remember that I need to do the same service for myself, it can give me the heebee jeebees!

I’ve been avoiding the internal mirror recently, yet every time I DO sit down to work on myself, I feel release, power, and freedom. I feel like a gawdy, Jersey-version of Brene Brown (#lovesher.) I’m becoming my own shame and guilt researcher! I’ve taken notes on my laptop, phone, and napkins (move over JK Rowling!) about how shame affects me. Get your popcorn, because the Shame Shit Storm Show is about to begin…

Lights up on my friend Dana and myself having a lovely phone conversation. We are talking yoga, Kardashians, business, and all things joyful. Out of a place of shame and guilt, I make an awkward joke to Dana about a bump in our friendship. For me, I needed to bring this up yet again to reaffirm how sorry I was. Dana responded “ Erica, my love, I could say until I am blue in the face that I have forgiven you but clearly that’s not the issue here. You still need to forgive yourself.”

Triggering? Perhaps. But she was right. I was so stuck in my guilt that I couldn’t see clearly that I hadn’t forgiven myself. Here’s the normal guilt game for me:

· GUILT is telling me I did something wrong,
· If I spiral long enough, guilt transforms into beliefs in lack of worth, which reaffirms old stories about being not good enough, unworthy, etc.
· This then brings on tremendous amounts of SHAME; shifting from “I did something wrong” to “I AM WRONG!”

I do one of three things from here. I can:

A. Shut down- I get passive aggressive, sassy, and “accidentally” don’t answer your texts
B. Blame- I project my shame onto someone else because it’s too much for me to bear. IE- I accidentally just deleted this ENTIRE newsletter before publishing and my first reaction was to yell at someone else….
C. Overcompensate- I feel so unworthy of your love and forgiveness because I believe that I AM wrong.

In a perfect nightmare, I can experience all three of these sensations at once. But since I’ve chosen the path and mission of mindfulness, I say two words: self-forgiveness.

When I forgave myself for not showing up in my relationships the way that I want to, I felt a weight lift off of my shoulders. When I forgave myself for deleting the newsletter moments before sending, {I screamed bloody murder} and then I forgave myself.

You might be thinking, “that’s great Erica, but HOW do I do this?” Cool! What you want to do is: address the inner child within you. If she did something “bad” you wouldn’t cut her out of your life. Right? So be nice to yourself!“ “Hey little E…that was probably not the best choice, but that’s okay. If it feels in alignment, go and apologize. But I am here to remind you that you are safe, worthy, and valuable…even after this. I love you, tootz.” Get me? I encourage you to start sitting with your guilt and shame. I invite you to really allow forgiveness. Tap into it as a state of being. Remember: you are doing the best you can, you are valuable, a total babe, and a god damn rock star.

You are worthy, no matter what. Don't allow situations to define your worth. I love you so much baby boo <3

Love, Light and Laughter,
Erica Wiederlight
Creative & Spiritual Lifestyle Entrepreneur
CEO of We The Light, LLC

P.S.- If you liked this, you are going to LOVE the course coming in October. This was a total teaser, SO- Stay tuned!

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